Sex crazy?

I've been wondering a little about the involvement of sex in our relationship recently. Is it based mainly on sex? I don't think it's up to that extent where it's all about sex but we seem to be doing a lot of it. Hmm... maybe it's the period thing going on?

Anyway, I was with Jin yesterday. He called me up in the morning, just as I was still lazing around. We didn't really have much plans for the day, all I wanted was to watch Madagascar so first thing we did was headed to MV to get the tickets. After that, seeing that he was in a mood for sashimi, we headed over to Mont Kiara for lunch at a Jap restaurant. Ironically, that place was closed, so was the dim sum shop which I suggested, so we headed to another Jap place. It was okay to me but I suppose he was disappointed with the serving size of his sashimi. All I had was a bowl of Udon.

After that, we went back to his place as usual and made out. I wonder why we do so much of that? Is it really because, as he suggested, we seem to turn each other on quite easily? Hmm... either way, it doesn't really matter I guess. He was pretty moody the whole morning (having woken up at 6.30am and not being able to go back to sleep). It was an interesting sight to see this side of him. Not exactly something I want to see too often though, but everybody has his days. Hmm... however, if he really is moody on most days as he claims he used to be, I'm not sure I can stand being around him too much. I mean, my mood is obviously (probably like everyone else's) very easily influenced by others around me so I don't particularly like it if he was moody most of the time around me. But then again... I really like to try making him smile.
I find it extremely amusing when he goes on his 'tough guy' attitude, and I point out that he, with his long hair and tattoos and stuff... looks so cute and adorable... and then I get to start pinching his cheeks ^________^ and then he'll start laughing and smiling. When I did it that time he said something about me doing it on purpose to see his 'lines' (he was referring to his eye slits... the ones that disappears whenever he laughs). XD What can I say? I actually do it for the smile... His smiles and laughter really does melt my heart, I can't help it but aim for it and just stare at his smile whenever his laughs.

Oh well, headed for the movie after that. I thought it was funny... not his type though. he thought it was okay except that the plot was predictable. He prefers movies with more thought in them. The jokes were too simple. All I think is that he's too fussy =P Hmm... maybe that's why I'm happier then him most of the time? I laugh at things very easily... can't help it, even if there's nothing to laugh at I might just burst out laughing for no apparent reason (okok...so maybe I'm a bit psychotic) but it mainly happens when I'm around him ^_^

We were back at his place again after that. I had to be back by 10pm so there was time to just hang out befroe dinner since we weren't particularly hungry yet. We went back to watch Fruits Basket... just a little bit more and I can finally finish watching the entire season of the anime... we always get 'distracted' while watching anime or movies so he always complains that I can't complete watching any of them. When I said we could always just forgo the making out and stick to watching he said no way =P
Well, after watching a few eps, we started kissing again. At one point, he just said..."I swear, if u make me hard, and then just lick and start putting on your clothes..." and I was like...hmmm... that's a thought. *Evil grin* lol Nah...didn't do it... all I did was stopped everything, sat next to him and just stared at him... and I was like... "You'd what...?" Erm... well, fast forward, we had sex till it was late, at 9.30pm we had to go. No time for dinner... we thought of ta paoing something to eat from somewhere for me in the car but since he was trying to make it back by 10pm, I told him to skip it. Plus, we didn't want him to be in any worse position than he already is with my folks.

But I'm recently obsessed with him... he's kind of sexy in his own way, and having sex with him feels great... although his obsession with trying to make me cum through oral sex is disturbing lol. I dun particularly mind it but oral sex gets a little uncomfortable to me after awhile. But he has gotten me curious about a lot of stuff... I can't believe I'm actually reading up on what oral sex is actually about on the net... >_<
Oh, another interesting point... he was mentioning the other day that sex sessions usually lasts about 15 mins. There was an article in the papers today about the longest average sex session being 7 mins and 36 secs by the Brits. Rather interesting... that's only half the average time he was talking about... makes me wonder why ours sometimes go on for such a long time... is it good or bad? If it's longer coz the climax takes longer or doesn't happen then it's not a good thing issit? >_<

Bubble Burst and Rebubbled

So much has happened since the last time I wrote... I've been wanting to write for so long about everything but the time was never convenient, or there was always someone around to disrupt my privacy. Ah well, I guess this means I'll be posting a watered down version since I'm over with all the drama...

After the exam (which sucked btw), I had to pack and head home. I told mum that I'd be back after dinner and she said go for an early dinner so that I didn't have to drive home late at night. Erm, Jin was sleeping when I called him so I told him to go on sleeping... by the time he came over it was already about 5+pm and we only headed out for dinner at tabout 7.30pm.

I was pretty much screwed by then. Anyway, we had dinner at Telepon in Kelana Jaya, BBQ steamboat... dinner was fun. I got to see Jin stuffing all the way and then complaining about it all the way back. at about 10.30pm, mum called and asked why I wasn't back yet... we were caught in the Sunway toll traffic at that time and then she gave me a long lecture and scolding about not being back home early. *sigh* After absorbing everything in I just started crying in the car and Jin had to comfort me. Funny thing is, she told me, go back (Cyber) stay there, don't go anywhere else and go to sleep. We went back, lay around since I was pretty moody anyway, later went out for a walk and played on the swings, went to Puchong to get a drink from 7-11... and a few other things.

Oh yeah, mum told me to come home early morning so I wanted to stay up till morning and head back home (mainly coz I thought her holidays already started but it hadn't). But I just couldn't keep my eyes open. Jin was the one who stayed up to wake me up and then later sent his sis to work. He played Destruct-O-Match for a couple of hours straight lol... and he managed to improve on his score a lot too ^_^

When I got home, at lunch time, mum and I went out. In the car, although she didn't say anything about the late night drive, she started saying a lot of really terrible things about my relationship with Jin. I just couldn't help but cry... it really did seem rather mean and rude. She talked about how dad couldn't sleep and it was all my fault. That it was my choice if I wanted to stay with Jin but then I'd be breaking away from the family, and that it depends on how much I love my family, I have to choose between one or the other. I mean... seriously, it was like war between the 2 or something... why did she have to take it so seriously????
There really was a lot more that she said, but I think I've forgotten a lot of it by now, not that I plan to recall any of it. I counted the number of times I broke into tears after she talked to me, and reached a total of 9 times over 2 days.

That night, Dom brought back his girl again. Dad was happily chatting away with her and honestly, I felt miserable. I mean, why can't he just accept Jin as any other person instead of linking him up with his dad? Anyway, we had dinner together, Dom was supposed to leave for USA the next day (Thurs).

Next morning, dad called me on the phone and said he would talk to me that night. In the afternoon while on the phone with mum, he asked to speak to me and said the same thing >_< That evening, just before Dom left, he came into my room and passed on the very same message yet again /swt. But he also added that he'd be online to talk to me... all I said was I guess you wanna know how this drama goes.

Anyway, that night dad talked to me, said he really didn't want me to be sad. Plus he's not judging Jin based on his dad but he thinks it was insensitive of him to not bring me home early that night (was partly my fault though). Anyway, the point is we can still see each other but from what I gather over the recent days, just not as much. And plus we always have to come home early.... *poor Jin*
Hehehe... I went out with him the following day but dad called and asked me out for dinner, at first I thought it was come back home early and join them for dinner, and Jin thought it was some sort of test. But then the more I thought about it, it could have been a question if I wanted to come back and join them for dinner. But then again, I've never said no when my parents invited me out for dinner like that so it would always seem to me like a 'demand' even if it wasn't meant to be one. Home by 6pm >_<

Well, since we didn't have much time, Jin and I went to Pyramid and poor baby...he was tired coz he hadn't slept at all and I dragged him to Cyber to carry some of my load. Plus I was sick too so I didn't really have much energy to be lugging stuff around. Wanted to catch a movie (sort of...the idea was buy a movie ticket and head in there to sleep =P) but Madagascar was sold out exc for the 4.45pm show which meant we'd be late home. So after dinner and walking around aimlessly, we ended up heading back to his place where he made me drink this herbal tea thing *blehhhhh* coz I was having a fever. Hmm... it was funny, I was tired but as usual I don't want to sleep so I just kept on kacauing him. He was tired too but he wanted me to sleep and he had to stay up so that we wouldn't oversleep and come home late. And once again... got him hard and he seems like he really is indecisive on what to do with it. Ended up having sex (I was having my period at that time too so it was really yucky and bloody lol) but it was a really short one with the timer going off (time to go home) in the middle and plus he climaxed quick enough too anyway.
Sent me home after that...

Things are seemingly fine since then. Settled moving all my stuff from Cyber, dad talks to me occasionally about his relationship with mum when they started. Mum occasionally talks to me warning me about my relationship with Jin (she loves emphasizing on our different lifestyles, as if I hadn't thought about it before... just that I don't think it's something I have to worry about since it's not like I'm marrying him or anything...)

Anyway, will be seeing Jin again on Monday...which is tomorrow ^_^ I wanna go watch Madagascar. A round of shopping with mum in MV on Tues... today's plans --> sleep, RO, go KL (reporting to grandad time) maybe read...

Road Trippin'

ARRRGGGHHH... another post gone because I forgot to relog.

Pif...bloody pissed.
Just a quick review... Jin came over early this morning about 2-3am, I kind of but not really studied while he played >_< Neopets and we were gonna sleep at around 7am but we couldn't so we ended up in Genting for the breakfast. Coffee and sandwiches in Starbucks. Walked around and came back ^_^
Played the bug/buggy game using Kancils instead of VW/Mini and kissing his on the cheek instead of hitting when we got caught in a traffic jame on the way back.
And this and that happened...bla bla... that's it >_<

Choc delights

Funny... the main thing I can remember about the buffet is chocolates ^_^

Met his mum and stepdad. His mum's cool, really nice, easy to get along with. His stepdad's erm... I dunno, don't really like him I guess. He's ok but to me he's a bit stand-offish... slight arrogance involved, and I think kinda rude to Jin sometimes. I don't like the way he talks to Jin and mocks him... he may just be joking but it still seems to be in a rather rude way to me.

The food was great... loads of fresh seafood, although I stuck mainly to the oysters only. There's also dim sum, satay, sushi a mouth watering selection of deserts. And of course... a chocolate fountain!!! To make chocolate fondue with strawberries and marshmallows...yummy ^_^ There was actually a lot more but I guess I didn't tackle all of it. The night went ok, Jin mentioned that I seemed to be getting along fine with his mum... guess that means it went well.

Spent the night at his place again after the dinner. In the morning, we were supposed to go to the Aus High Comm. >_< He set the alarm for 8.30am but only got up at about 10am... I kept asking him to wake up every 30mins or so, but I myself was half asleep. The silly thing about it is that went he finally got up, he pointed out that it was actually 11am not 10am, and my watch was slow, so we had to rush to the office because it was supposed to close at 12pm. Got there in time only to find that he was supposed to settle his visa issue online. From there we headed on to Concorde Hotel to use up the vouchers his dad gave him for Havana Club, a cigar outlet. He was looking to buy a new lighter, but omg... most of the lighters there costed rm500+. And to think that I though he could get loads of lighters with spare vouchers coz he had about rm100+ worth of them. Anyway, he bought some torch thing (which turned out to not even be a lighter but could do a lot more stuff then just plain lighting a cigerette) wich was about rm138.
Had chicken rice for lunch in Mont Kiara. Followed by desert in PenangVillage (coz he wanted his herbal tea with milk thingy). Actually, we weren't really into desert but he wanted me to try this durian cendol so he ordered it (and later regreted overeating as usual lol). Well, at least we walked it off over at Lotte nearby. They have a lot of cute Jap and Korean stuff inside.

Spent pretty much the rest of the day watching anime. Ate his grandma's cooking for dinner. She makes great porridge^^ Came back late at night and read a bit (very very little) of the past year paper. But watched a lot of Naruto =P

Jin made plans to cook dinner today, so I went over and helped him out at it. While shopping for groceries, he actually planned to use campbell's soup for sauce but then I said something about losing respect for him coz I thought he was a proper cook, not one of those people like...hmmm... like me actually =P He got insulted and was so stubborn about it. He knew he was short on time but he still went on to make his sauce from scratch even though I kept asking him to use the campbell's soup. >_< though ="P)">_<) Oh yeah, he bought so many things that the bill came up to rm90+ /swt But it was not bad. Jin was a bit frustrated with how it turned out though. He kept saying it was one of the lousier meals he made. I thought it was quite good ^_^ The servings were big (most of us, his grandma, aunt and sis, couldn't really finish it) but I made sure I cleared my plate coz I wanted to show him that I would finish it coz he made it ^_^

Hmm, yesterday he made an interesting comment about our sex. He said most sex sessions only lasts about 15 mins. The day before that, ours lasted for a couple of hours? Something to that extend... lol, his stamina, not mine. Anyway, seems like when it comes to the chemistry between us, things are going really great. Today's comment was... first time his box of condoms finish so fast >_<>_<). Just that everything between us seems to click easily... god forbid if my fear ever comes true that he might just turn around one day and say that he was just fooling around.
Nah, I doubt anything like that may happen... when I'm with him, the way he acts, looks at me and stuff really does seem to indicate that he loves me ^_^ But sometimes I can't help but wonder if he was just as affectionate with his ex-girlfriends *sigh*

Ah well... not gonna think so much about it. Got plans to go Melaka with him, he's never eaten sate celup before >_< Might visit Jane at the same time...catch up with her (it's about time). She says she's busy though, will try my best to arrange it though.

Treasure hunt over with

Picnic came and went... apart from being tired it went okie I guess...

I'm not sure how Jin feels about it, he says it's cute and all... but somehow I sometimes find it hard to read expressions and tell if a person is sincere with his words. At least that's one thing people who know me well can understand about me: I hardly ever compliment but when I do, it's 99% sincere... I don't know where the 1% goes but I guess sometimes when I'm in a spot and feel like I have to say something nice it just pops out without meaning.
But overall the picnic was okie, we sat in one of those small shaded areas with just the benches over in Cyberpark. No tables so we just ate on the bench. Had quite a lot of leftover food but we cleared them off for dinner ^_^ And Jin's supposed to be cooking dinner for me one of these days.

We popped over to 1 Utama after that, and then to Bangsar to change the Kungfu Hustle DVD (which was a spoilt copy yet again, and I think he has watched the movie 5 times already, but all of them incomplete lol). After that we were back at his place.

Got back early morning, went to bed quite early... been feeling lazy, as usual of course.
Hmm... I didn't get any studying done today... but I did write out the topics for the recent 2 exams... (as if that took a lot of work /swt)
Gonna be going out tonight for dinner... buffet at Shangri La Hotel I think... with his mum >_< Dunno how that's gonna turn out /swt. But I actually put on make up for the first time I'm with Jin lol. Well... he did say dress 'decently' (as if I ever dressed 'indecently'... well, maybe sometimes... but not in front of him!) and plus he said last time I'm very 'cincai'. Ok lorrrrr...not cincai now la (he meant it in a good way though). Hmm... make-up, earrings, bracelet, nail polish and boots.... over doing it perhaps? Maybe some perfume??? Lol

Treasure hunt!!!

Well... not really, just a picnic, with no treasure map T_T As usual, interesting concept, but failure in presentation.

The idea: a poem (was supposed to be a riddle originally too, where he'd have to guess what it was about before he could have it), a treasure map (stupid looking pirate-style treasure map of Cyber leading to the Cyberview park...or whatever the name is), and a picnic (supposedly the treasure, but hey, what about me... I wanna be the treasure! /swt stupid joke)

Poem:
I know that for your birthday,
This is rather late,
But I had trouble planning a way
To make a treat for you...so I came up with this date.

A day in the park,
From evening till it gets dark,
To spend some time with you there if we might,
Fear not I’ve checked it out, no fuzzy caterpillars in sight.

I can’t guarantee
What the day will turn out to be,
Coz try as I might,
I never really had the foresight.

But rain or shine,
We could just sit, chat and dine,
But if this really isn’t your thing
Then maybe next time I’ll just come up with some other silly little fling

Hmm.... reading it over again now, I find it extremely stupid, but I don't really have the time to come up with new stuff. And I want to settle this picnic before I pull out or postpone till I'm out of time.

Treasure map:
Not sure if I have time to make this, would be cool if I did, but the delivery of the map has already failed so the sense of purpose for the map is actually already gone. But the idea is just sooooo cute...
Okay, the idea was to somehow leave the poem and the treasure map in his car, with a time to meet. But since the picnic is tomorrow, which means I was supposed to have left it in his car earlier before he left, the idea has totally been flushed out. And plus, instead of printing out the poem, I might be smsing it to him tomorrow... no treasure map then T_T but I might still print it out and draw the map out (I think it'll look stupid) and just hand it over to him tomorrow when we meet.

Picnic:
Menu... sandwiches (tuna, sardine, egg, ham and cheese, corned beef... you never know if he'd be fussy over sandwiches so it's just a long list of backups lol), Cheese n herb pasta!!! (hey, CY and her sis liked it, hope he likes it...), fried chicken, drinks (I forgot about his DrPepper T_T).

A lot of food... I already started preparing some but I think most of the work has to be done tomorrow. I might cut out the sardine sandwiches coz there's just so many sandwiches!

Time to go cook some food!

Journey update...

I spent the past 27 hours or so with him...

Was supposed to have came back here to cyber around 3pm yesterday. Well... yes and no. I was also supposed to have met up with Jin and gone out yesterday as well, hence the lack of clarity.
The plan was, since we were both gonna head over to IDP yesterday, we wanted to meet up there. But then while he was still in the bank, mum smsed me asking me to join her for lunch (in which I asked Jin if he wanted to join us lol) After lunch, mum decided to send me to IDP. Bah... there goes our plan to meet up. I called Jin up and told him that we could still meet each other there but I would pretend to not know him and it could be a secret rendezvous thingy XD. At IDP I kept looking around to see if he was there but I only saw him after I left =( He had just found a parking and was grabbing a ticket at the time. Well, headed back home to take my car, and instead of driving back to cyber, I drove to IDP again to find him. ^_^

We met up, decided to spend the day with him so I paid for a parking ticket till 6.29pm (not gonna add 10 sen just for 1 more minute... yea yea...I'm an accountant, stingy bunch we are) and we headed to pick his sis, Sue Ann (no idea how it's spelled :S) from her work place and sent her home. After that we ended up driving round and round Damansara, with no direction for quite awhile, and then popped into MV (not many places to go and plus he wanted to stay in KL coz we were supposed to have dinner there). I had a craving for sushi so we bought sushi ^_^ he wanted some ice cream in a pau thingy but I said we'd be full coz it was near dinner time so we skipped that. Oh yeah.... he got his fav drink... DR Pepper (*bleh*). Our plan was to eat at this stairs just outside the building where he used to have lunch when he worked in MV last time but I made a mistake thinking that the time was 8.40pm (was maybe an hour or so earlier) so he suggested that we had our sushi snack in the car at some nice spot with a view.

Unfortunately, that spot was covered up with a brand new bangalow lol. The next place he drove to was also blocked up by a fence. So I told him let's just pick any spot, dun need a view, stare at him is enough lol. ^_^ We stopped by the fence at a quiet road where I joked that if a police car were to come along and asked us what we were doing, we could just say having sushi....want some? =P He said we were a cute couple eating sushi in the middle of nowhere ^_^ Oh... it was only after dinner that he pointed out that the time at that moment was 8.30+pm... ish, I made a mistake and we rushed out from MV for nothing.

But then, when we headed over to Imbi for dinner, the shop turned out to be closed. His 2nd option in Mont Kiara was also closed... or the shop closed down, can't remember. We ended up driving round and round the shops in Mont Kiara looking through what's available, him pointing out all the missing shops that have closed down or disappeared... lookingfor food... Vietnamese, Japanese, Korean... finally settled for a Vietnamese place. But before we entered, he wanted a smoke. So we stood outside and then he suddenly had a craving for Chicken ala Kiev from Secret REcipe which was just next door. Just as we sat down, the waiter told us that the shop was closing (It was almost 10pm by then...swt, we'd been driving round and round for more than an hour) and so we went to the only other place available there, Souled Out Cafe... I had fried rice and he had his chicken kiev. Hah! I finished my food and he didn't... pif.
We spent quite a lot of time there just chatting, we'd been talking about the issue of our dads the whole day. (Oh yeah, he met up for dinner with his dad the night before and when he asked about my dad, his dad went..."Double-headed snake") Jin's dad doesn't like my dad and says he 'membodek's the boss and stuff'. Jin also wants to know what my dad thinks about his dad, coz he wants to know both sides of the story. And I kept telling him that I can't be the one to tell him what my dad says coz I promised my dad I wouldn't and plus, I don't want to be the person telling him bad stuff about his dad, after all, he respects his dad, I'd rather leave things be...

While we were chatting at that time, at one point he just went... "I have so many flaws.." Seemed to me he wanted to go on and add something but I do what I do best, ignore and pretend that it's nothing. I think it's just another insecurity issue... he has his to face, I have mine. It's not that I think it's unimportant, I just tackle things differently. I'm not the kind of person to reassure him there and then that he doesn't have to worry about his flaws coz I can accept the person that he is. But I think he does realise it that I don't really have to reassure him directly coz the way I act sometimes would show that to him anyway (coz it's like later on that night, when I told him I loved him, he said that sometimes I just reassure him, in which I replied it wasn't meant to reassure him, which is true, I just said it coz I felt like telling him that I loved him at that time).

Anyway, we went back to his place till 4am (yeah we were just making out and chatting as usual...come to think of it we spent a lot of time just talking yesterday and today). Then we drove to A&W coz he was hungry and ordered a takeaway meal. Next stop... Subang, picked up my car and the 2 of us drove to Cyber, it was about 6am when we got back I think, or maybe earlier? He ate his chicken (although by then he said he wasn't actually hungry anymore but didn't want to leave it till the morning), slept at about 8am. I got up at 11am to study (not much...crap). He kept waking up on and off (even moved to sleep ouside on the carpet while I was studying there) till about 4-5pm. Poor baby, he didn't get enough sleep the night before either (he slept at 8am that morning and I woke him up at 11am lol... not my fault, he slept late =P) He finally got up when I cooked some sausages, omellete and meatballs and we ate together (with his pack of soggy leftover fries). And then we chatted again...seemed to be talking a lot. Mostly on our dad's, how our coming together seems like a drama series, bringing up stuff about how we were when we got together (oh yeah, we have no anniversary, or maybe a 2 week anniversary due to the fact that we didn't really establish an exact date when we got together coz we were pretty unsure about where we both stood), our insecurities and some other topics.

Anyway, he has dinner tonight with his dad so he's gone. He'll be back tomorrow ^_^ I wanna plan my picnic thingy for tomorrow... pity the treasure map isn't working out too well...

Jinology - Chapter 2

Not sure wat kind of facts to add...

1. He snores? Lol...it's not loud, dun really mind
2. Oh...he sleeps real quick (I remember how he was brushing my hand, then sleeps for about 5 secs, then wakes up and brushes, and then sleeps for another 5 secs... and on and on... lasted quite a few rounds!!! Kawaii desu!!!)
3. He's one of those people who knows where to get the best bbq steamboat, nasi lemak, bak kut teh, etc. (you get the picture)
4. His 2 fav ice cream flavours : Peppermint and white chocolate
5. Fav ice cream brand : Haegan Daz (He's the type who sometimes goes, why settle for anything less when you can have the best?)
6. Fav anime : I think it's Gensomaden Saiyuki
7. Drives a...? : Currently Kelisa coz his previous car was sold of... Honda or something? Although I don't know why I bother adding facts like these in... nothing else better to say I guess

They know

Okie.... looks like I think my parents guessed it. About an hour ago, mum asked me, "How did you meet Jin?" I just told her I met him through a friend. Then she pointed out that dad didn't like his dad, and it's probably vice versa too. No big deal... but then later she added, "Are you 2 serious?" And my mouth was like... *plop* She just went on to say that there'll probably be problems for me if we were, coz his family seems to have problems. But I think it's ok, it's not like we're at that stage yet to be worrying about details like this. So guess I gotta break the news to him tomorrow ^_^ Solves my problem about telling them though...

To tell or not to tell?

Had a rather interesting lunch today.

We were supposed to celebrate a Mothers' Day/Fathers' Day lunch today over in Kg Jawa. Food was pretty good. But the interesting part was listening to a whole bunch of stuff my dad had to tell.

Mum asked me today, how many people went out with me yesterday in MV. I said just 2... and then I decided to add the fact that Jin was the one with me. Dad was surprised, thinking that Jin was my classmate in MMU. I think he was surprised because Jin's dad's supposed to be rich or something, so he wouldn't expect for the son to be studying in a local uni like MMU. So I just told him that Jin's studying in Aus.
Towards the end of our lunch, dad had a lot of stories to share about Jin's dad... not good ones I'm afraid. Basically, he considers Jin's dad to be the ruin of Metroplex and Yaohan. There goes the idea of telling them that I'm dating Jin. Not that I plan to hide it, I'd just think it'd be better to let them guess on their own rather than to tell them straight.

I think I made a slight mistake in telling Jin that our dad's aren't exactly 'the best of frens' coz he seems pretty worried about the whole thing now. He just assured me that the problems of our dads are their problems and he doesn't care about what his family thinks about him dating me. He loves me and he'll just do as he pleases anyway ^_^ how sweet... I don't think the issue is all that serious, I'd just rather not tell them directly about him being my bf. If I keep going out with him in front of them, they'd pretty much guess anyway =P

Well... for now I'm just leaving things as they are. They know I went out with him alone, they're aware of his existence, sooner or later they'd probably put 2 n 2 together.

Fast Forward fo Events...

Oh my god... seems like a lot has happened our the past few days.

Ok, for one thing, I did get it right the last time, about the trip being extended. He came back on Wednesday ^_^ I was so happy to hear from him then. He called the moment he reached the airport and then we met up that night. I stayed over at his place again.
Not only that, it was rather unexpected but we had sex that night. I'm not sure how it happened, it just did. I don't think he planned it either. At one point, I just asked him if our current situation was 'frustrating' coz I was against sex, and at first he said not really. But later on, he changed his answer to 'a little sometimes'... and later on again, it just happened.
Do I regret doing it? Yes and no... he means a lot to me, and apart from my occasional securities, I think he's pretty serious about me too. But still, I do admit that if given a choice, I probably would have changed history. Not to say that I didn't like it, but I do still get insecure over him. I did admit it to him today though, the fact that sex is the one main thing I'd regret if we ever broke up. All he said to that was (after a short silence) 'Don't break up lor' =P As if life's that simple...

Anyway, we've done it 3 times already, and at the beginning, I guess I was wondering, is this something that's on his mind like....all the time? I worry a lot about being used. Honestly though, when my mind's stable and hmm...sane? Oh well, when I'm thinking clearly on times when no insecurities are triggered, I think that he just isn't exactly familiar with our different world, and acts only according to how he thinks might be good for me. Weird as it seems i guess :-S

Hmm... I went back to cyber on thurs night expecting to avoid him for the week to finish of the last of my classes. And then I found out all classes were cancelled... and so on Friday, I decided that I wanted to see him again ^_^ He didn't have the car on that day so I drove over instead. Wow... this may sound stupid but I'm actually proud of myself for reaching his place without any help. I was all prepared to get lost on the way or something... *bad bad bad sense of direction*
We went to this little Italian place for dinner, and he introduced me to blue cheese pizza and some raw beef dish, not entirely my kind of food but I certainly did have loads of fun with him that night.

Then today, I originally planned to go home in the afternoon, but we ended up watching a movie in MV. And it was at 6... so I ended up home much later than originally planned =P But dad didn't seem to mind.

We brought up the issue of telling my family about him yesterday night during dinner. I had meantioned that for a relationship to be serious, I'd at least have to be able to tell them about him. And so he asked, since they don't know about him, does that mean I'm not serious? Well, I am serious, but I do really need to tell them about him. And so now we're kind of trying to figure out a way for them to know about him =P
One plan I was thinking of doing earlier, but we didn't bother using it, was to take him home with me, let him help me carry my stuff in, and then go out for movies with him. That way they'd at least know I was going out on a date with him... but I decided not to since MV's kinda near to his place... rather not drive to Subang and MV and back home again.
I was even trying to drop some hints tonight... talked about being in MV, talked about the blue cheese pizza which I wanted dad to try... But they don't seem to be getting the hints. Surprisingly, they never asked who I was out with today, nor did they ask how I ended up eating in that Italian shop.
Bah... I'll figure something out soon. I really want to tell them, even if I'm not sure they'd like Jin. Well, cover up the tattoo, hide the tail... he'll do fine I think.

We'll see how it goes in a few days. Maybe I'll bring it up tomorrow? Scary thought...
I

Missing him terribly...

I wonder if I got the days mixed up, or he extended his stay in Bangkok, or I dunno... he's avoiding me?

I miss him when he's not around. I thought he'd be back yesterday but I can't reach his phone and all I could do was leave an sms. And I miss him so much so that my head's been pretty screwed up with insecurity issues all over again the whole night yesterday. I hate it when it happens. This is one of the main reasons why I hate getting into a relationship. Try as I may to ignore the feeling, I'm always insecure about my relationships.

I was telling CY yesterday about how insecure I am and I described it as..."when in a relationship, I spend about 50-75% of the time wondering if I should break up". I think that it's pretty true... well, I don't know if I may be exegerating but I do think that it is at least 50% of the time. For now that is... which is currently at the unstable stage. Where I'm not sure where we're heading or what we're doing. And any small incident such as this one, or the time he was in Ipoh (seems like anytime he's not around for too long or longer than I thought he'd be), my head triggers off in another round of frenzy. Another thing that occured to me was if perhaps the more I love him the more insecure I'd be? Safer for me to maintain my usual distance then...

I don't feel as bad today... somehow I just don't have the same insecurities which were bothering me yesterday, but perhaps it's only coz I just woke up. The day has yet to sink into me =P

I'm hoping that the reason why he's not around is because of either of the first 2 I named at the top. Although right now all I'd want is for him to just ring me up or something. What I hate most is being left in the blur... I have no idea what's going on... *sigh*

Jinology - Chapter 1

Didn't really know what else to name my fact file other than fact file again but I think I'll stick to the chapters ^_^

Let's see... time to start with the basics ^_^

1. Full name : Low Eu Jin
2. Birthday : 15 Feb
3. Erm.... he cooks ^_^ although I haven't tried it yet T_T
4. Oh!!! He doesn't like vegetables ^_^
5. The 2 types of food I can recall him saying that he would never get fed up is Jap food and pizza!
6. I know he likes fish :P (to eat them rather... >_<)
7. He loves reptiles (no, not to eat) I think especially snakes although I'm not too sure about that

Hehehe... am talking to Kev now. It's funny.... how much would u say that I love Jin if Kev asks, are u still with Jin? And I reply "yeah...u want me to scream at you I LOVE JIN SOOOOOOO MUCH???"
I dunno if I would call myself sad and pathetic for that but oh well ^_^

Just happy thoughts...

I'm in a good mood today. Nah, he's not around so it's not really entirely about him, but thinking of him does make me happy so I guess it's partly coz of him too.

He's still in Bangkok...won't see him till Tuesday =( But I guess it's good in a sense that I finally can focus on my presentation on Tues. Spent my breaks just lying down thinking about small stuff, namely about Jin of course. Seems like as usual, my head is filled with crap, but I love my crappy thoughts so I crapping everything out now =P My god, this page is gonna be really weird once I reread everything one day.

Hmm... I was wondering, I'd love to ask him what truly makes him happy, if he had to leave out any relation of his answer to the people around him. When I thought about myself, and what makes me happy, apart from him =P I was thinking that just being able to have fun would be the answer. I mean, the way I live my life somehow or rather indicates it. Often, stuff like my grades or other things bring me down, but when i think about it, I don't really care about those things. Seems like it isn't really a good thing but it's true. Because at the end of the day I think, am I enjoying my life at the moment? The answer is usually yes. I'd probably have regrets here and there but not really regretting anything at the same time. I like the way I live my life even if I tend to complain about being bored most of the time...

Then, I was also thinking about how I think about Jin everytime I hear the song 'I hope you dance' by Ronan Keating. It always reminds me of him ever since the time he told me about how he never really held much hope in life. It's like the one song I'd love to dedicate to him to remind him that well, basically life's great, you just have to hold out for awhile and wait for the great things to happen ^_^ Or something like that =P I never really told him, don't really plan to either...

I wonder if everyone or basically friends usually only call him Jin. Does anyone call him Eu Jin? Or was it Eu Jinn? OMG how sad!!! I don't even know the proper spelling of my boyfriend's name!!! T_T This is stupid... guess I gotta steal a glance at his IC again >_< Oh anyway, I was just thinking about it because I kinda recalled how sometimes I didn't like the way Ozee called me Mel. And when I think about how Jin usually calls me Mel... although it's not often, coz he usually just goes darling... I tend to wonder about if it has the same effect on me yet. So far the answer is no... but maybe later. I used to find the way Ozee called me Mel a bit too buddy-ish. Sure, my boyfriend has to be a buddy, no doubt about that but, it's just too buddy-ish. I think if Jin called me Mel too often I'd probably feel the same way too... or maybe it's just the tone Ozee uses? Hmm... oh well, I just thought perhaps I should stop calling Jin 'Jin' and used something else... full name (better if he doesn't particularly liked being called that LOL) or Jin Jin which I know for sure he'd cringe if he heard XD He'd probably say following Lidia??? Hehehe... I can't help it though, I do think Jin Jin sounds so adorable ^_^

Lots of other small little things are flowing through my head but I'll just leave them alone. Time for work!

Cloud 9

I have to admit, the more and more time I spend with him, the more I fall for him.

Yesterday, I spent almost the entire day waiting for him. Woke up in the morning thinking he'd be back from Ipoh around lunch time. I expected it to be between 12pm to the latest 3pm. 12pm came... and went, 1pm, 2pm, 3pm... 4 and 5...
At about 4, I was already trying to blow my head off walking around figuring what I could do to keep myself occupied. I defrosted the fridge, braided my hair twice over, finished the Gossip Girl book I was reading and 1 volume of Ragnarok manga, hmm...what esle?? I also packed up some stuff to take home so I wouldn't have as many things to bring home when I leave Cyber after these exams. I called Ramon to check if my camera was at his place, called Omar after that... omg... I did so many things that I usually couldn't be bothered to. Oh and of course I did my presentation work.... well, some of it. Can't help it if I have a low attention span.
By 5.30pm after deciding that I've had enough of my work (I had just finished going through the past 30 days archives of The Star and was getting extremely restless) I decided to call him up to tell him I was going back home to Subang (In other words it means I most likely won't be seeing him till next week). I had smsed him more than an hour back an he had yet to reply. Anyway, he said he just got back from Ipoh, couldn't sms coz he was driving on the highway and he would pick me up soon.
Ahhh... so I guess I had to wait a little longer for him. So I ended up playing Neopets (been ages since) and doing a little bit more editing on my playlist (that was another one of the many things I did early).

Finally he came ^_^ We got caught in a stupid jam pretty much all the way from Sunway till Bandar Utama... we were heading towards the Curve but once we got there, we decided it wasn't much. Lots of food but no shopping and Jin decided he missed one of his Japanese mee (Can't remember the name) over in 1 Utama so we drove over there instead. Unfortunately, that shop closed down (he was quite upset about it) and we ate in another Jap restaurant instead. It was already almost 10 by the time we were done with dinner and there wasn't much to do left so all we did was walked around Jusco supermarket for a bit while he picked out a snack and a drink.

After that we just drove around Damansara, TTDI and Bangsar a little.... till he got tired of driving and we went back to his place, where he was staying with his granny. His room's comfy... with a big double bed and air-cond. We were gonna watch anime a little but after 1 ep he just said to me that it doesn't seem to him that I was paying attention to the show anyway so we ended up making out again. I think the cool air made a lot of difference. He said I was a lot more aggressive this time... lol. I don't know... was different. But at some point I freaked out and just went quiet and he was like.... WTH??? He kept saying it was weird coz it happened so suddenly. And he even pointed out that I curled up like a ball... haha...hadn't even realised it till he mentioned it. I think it's only because I'm willing to go as far with him as I'm familiar with Ozee but when he goes further than that I get tensed up. =( I don't really want to but I am extremely scared of doing things like that. Even if we've already agreed there's not gonna be any sex involved. I think he's partly aware of the whole issue although he won't really admit to it.
I have to admit, he does seem to be really considerate, as in he'll worry if I hurt in anyway or feel uncomfortable with the issue. And I'm stuck in a position where my head tell me to just go ahead and try out new things, just relax and have fun but my body just refuses to cooperate /swt. Haha.... he asked me again if I really never masturbated coz he says everyone he knows even the girls do... well exc for 1 guy. Sometimes I think well...maybe I am weird. But I seriously think that it's probably just due to the fact that we come from different backgrounds and mix with different people. I dread the thought of any possibility of him discussing any of these things about me with Zher or something >_<

Oh well, I spent the night at his place. Saw his granny once just before we left (all I said was Hi and then I ran out) and now I'm back here in Cyber hoping to do some work before I go home. He'll be in Bangkok till Tuesday, and I've got my workload to keep me busy till then. So I guess that's about it ^_^

Of things to worry about...

Bah... I have to edit this entry because after an hour of slaving away putting down my thoughts and all, the page didn't get sent and I lost everything. I hate it when that happens. I usually get too lazy to reenter everything all over again. But it seems to be totally blank apart from the title so now, 2 days after the original missing entry, I guess I'll just say a word or 2 about what I remember from the missing entry.

Firstly, I was worrying about whether I am or seem to be 'cheap'. After all... oral sex after 2 meetings? /swt I dunno what to feel about it. On one hand, it doesn't really seem to matter to me, on the other hand I question myself and his feelings for me... is he just playing with me?

Sometimes I wonder about how serious he is about me because like for instance, he never really calls me these days except when we're supposed to meet up. :-S Does that mean anything at all? I was thinking about him during that time this missing entry was made... he was in Ipoh for the night and apparently it was really boring... couldn't he call up at least to say a word or 2? Well, it's not like I call him either so... I dunno, fair I guess. I wanted to call him up that night but I pretty much decided not to. If at any point he finally does call me, just to talk one of these days, maybe I'll finally give in and make the initiative to call.

Erm, I can't remember much... damn. 1 hour of typing and I can't remember anything I wrote about. Oh well... leave it for other entries. XD

The first step...

Hmm... technically it wouldn't be the first step since it's been ages since we've met online. But we met personally for the first time yesterday =)

What a day, I spent the entire morning cleaning up my room because I was expecting him on Wednesday. And then, in the afternoon, I got a shock when he smsed me:
"Boo. Here's a surprise for my darling, who at the moment is probably sleeping. But I took an earlier flight, coz I want my kisses tonight. /gg"
All I could think of replying was "Oh my god". LOL. ^_______^ I could get used to these kind of cute surprises.

Anyway, he came over around 12am. I think I was trying to act normal but it felt kinda weird and comfortable at the same time. Even when we were walking over to my place from his car, when he held my hand, I felt quite comfortable with him... so much so that I really wanted to snuggle up to him all the way ^_^
Back in my room, while we were just standing or sitting around, it finally got a little awkward for me. I just didn't know what to do with him around. He brought over some of his anime DVD collection but he forgot that I didn't have a DVD player so we couldn't watch them. But at some point when I just said I felt shy with him there, and he looked out the window, I had a sudden urge to just hug him, and so I did =D Walked up to him and gave him a hug from behind.
The entire time with him here seems awkward only in the sense that I wasn't comfortable with being so comfortable with him. As I pointed out to him, he was moving at a speed in one night which took me more than 2 years to accustom to with Ozee. And while we were just having fun, I suddenly started being confused and acted weird. Too much thinking got in the way again. And once again he asked me if I wanted to break up with him (he used to ask me the same thing whenever I started thinking a lot about us).

Oh well, at some point I just said I didn't wanna be in the room anymore and dragged him out to 7-11. Although I wasn't sure where the 7-11's in Puchong were, and so we ended up heading towards Sunway, and changed our minds and went to A&W's in Subang instead.

While organising my thoughts today, I figured that I was actually confusing myself a lot more than he was confusing me. I mean, it's like there were so many little things why I felt that we shouldn't be together. We are both very different, our lifestyles, our experiences and everything, I've always believed that I don't particularly fit well into the image of what his gfs should be like, I dun think I could ever sleep with him even though he's probably had slept with all/most of his previous gfs... let's see what else, there's also the distance thing and the fact that I feel that I'll probably be too busy for him in the near future. And I think that's just skimming the top of my thoughts.

But he kept reassuring me with so many reasons... and yet I wonder, I feel like he's not thinking for himself enough and I really want to make sure that everything can work out before we progress. But at the end of it all, I don't think he minds any of the worries I have for him. It's like I keep thinking that he'd mind even though it's probably true that he might not. Perhaps, all I want, whether or not he minds not having the things that I feel I can't give to him... is for him to at least have a shot at getting someone who can give him those things. He thinks that I'm insecure about myself... I'm not sure if that's true, but I really do want him to have everything he deserves, and I'm just not sure that I could give it to him.

But anyway, yesterday was like one of the happiest days I've had recently. It just felt so easy for me to get along with him. I loved hugging him, snuggling up with him, kissing him... teasing him =P Making out with him feels great, playing with his hands (or hand while he's driving) is fun... I dunno, I just really love being with him. I like his personality and when I'm with him, somehow I just think I really really love him. And it's not like how I loved him previously...it's different although quite hard to explain. Oh, and he does say the funniest things sometimes. Out of the blue he went... "you have a nice grabby butt" and I was like... WTH??? I mean, we were in the car, not saying anything and he just said that. He also said "You love stroking don't you?" Who the heck says these kind of things anyway? LOL but it just feels really nice being with him ^________^ I could really get used to him but I worry about getting too used to him and then having to go through parting with him later =( Always told myself no long distance relationships but I never seem to listen to myself =S

Oh well, I don't want to break up with him, and I doubt I will. But with all my stupid doubts I wonder if he'll break up with me first T_T Coz it's always that way that even the most firmist believer may start to have doubts once others show their doubts. But I do know for a fact that he really is special to me and I don't want to let him go that easily.