Tide of emotions
I dunno what I'm feeling now...there's just a whole range of feelings flooding me.
It's like one minute I'm sad and missing him. Next minute I get pissed off and hate him. But then I start to worry if something's happened to him. Basically... he should have arrived in Aus roughly around yesterday evening, unless there was a transit, which I'm not sure if there is. But he promised to contact me as soon as he reached Aus and I've waited all night yesterday and all day today and still nothing.
Should I be worried? I'm scared that he might have gotten detained or something due to the fact that he didn't settle the visa. What happens then? Would they throw him into another flight back? Doesn't seem right, sounds like just a free ride to me... Maybe put him in a cell or soemthing? I have no idea what happens, I don't even know at which stage or point that the authorities actually check on your visa.
Obviously I do miss him... sometimes it feels really lonely without having him around and I seem to be talking a lot more about him these past 2 days... if anyone brings him up, I'd love to drone on and on about him. If I could I'd love to say stuff like ... I don't know, sickly sweet stuff about how head-over-heels madly in love with him I feel sometimes. But I know that this kind of talk annoys some people.
And finally, why I hate him soooooo much some times. Remember the other day when I was annoyed with his attitude over confirming dinner with his mum? Hmm... his mum wanted to have dinner with him, he said maybe, I told him to confirm with his mum an answer, he didn't...
Anyway, the point is, I was thinking quite a bit at that time. I felt that he really doesn't show much consideration to certain people who may care about him, only coz he doesn't care for them as much. Well, maybe not really 'doesn't care', could be taking them for granted (and he likes making an issue out of my taking for granted, I may make an issue out of his but at least I know how to admit to mine). It's not only his family, his ex-RO gf Sincerity was worried about him too and seems like he doesn't care either... but then again her jealousy annoyed him at one point so he may just be trying to ignore her altogether or soemthing.
I was worried, for one thing that at some point, if I were still to care about him and he just stopped caring, I would get really hurt. And I'm not sure I want to be in such a position to experience that... sometimes it makes me wish that I didn't love him, that it's better to put an end to it before it gets worse. Today, it's kind of like, I'm so pissed that he hasn't contacted me yet. I know it's mean of me coz he could be in dee shit or soemthing but I really want to hear from him! If he hasn't called because of the visa problem, then I'd feel dreadfully guilty for being angry but I just can't help feeling this way. If he's there, safe and sound, I'd really like to at least know about it so that I can clear my head and stop thinking about it. But I wouldn't be surprised if he's there and all right but he just couldn't care less to make an effort to tell me. It's something typical for him, in my opinion (Is it really such a bad opinion that I hold about him?) Part of me feels like I really would break up with him for the sole reason of his (assumed) inconsideration. If it really were true, I would like to strangle the life out of him >_< But I'm also being held by the promise I made to him, which I had to make a lot of pondering over sending that particular sms, and I partly regret having told him that now. The promise? Well, basically, I really wanted to make him smile, and he was sighing a lot when he had to leave, so I said that I couldn't promise him that everything he missed here would remain but I promised to wait for him.
So there it is... all my thoughts and feelings. Oh crap, Zera just messaged me and I'm in a rather pissed mood atm. I think I'll just ignore him for now... :S
It's like one minute I'm sad and missing him. Next minute I get pissed off and hate him. But then I start to worry if something's happened to him. Basically... he should have arrived in Aus roughly around yesterday evening, unless there was a transit, which I'm not sure if there is. But he promised to contact me as soon as he reached Aus and I've waited all night yesterday and all day today and still nothing.
Should I be worried? I'm scared that he might have gotten detained or something due to the fact that he didn't settle the visa. What happens then? Would they throw him into another flight back? Doesn't seem right, sounds like just a free ride to me... Maybe put him in a cell or soemthing? I have no idea what happens, I don't even know at which stage or point that the authorities actually check on your visa.
Obviously I do miss him... sometimes it feels really lonely without having him around and I seem to be talking a lot more about him these past 2 days... if anyone brings him up, I'd love to drone on and on about him. If I could I'd love to say stuff like ... I don't know, sickly sweet stuff about how head-over-heels madly in love with him I feel sometimes. But I know that this kind of talk annoys some people.
And finally, why I hate him soooooo much some times. Remember the other day when I was annoyed with his attitude over confirming dinner with his mum? Hmm... his mum wanted to have dinner with him, he said maybe, I told him to confirm with his mum an answer, he didn't...
Anyway, the point is, I was thinking quite a bit at that time. I felt that he really doesn't show much consideration to certain people who may care about him, only coz he doesn't care for them as much. Well, maybe not really 'doesn't care', could be taking them for granted (and he likes making an issue out of my taking for granted, I may make an issue out of his but at least I know how to admit to mine). It's not only his family, his ex-RO gf Sincerity was worried about him too and seems like he doesn't care either... but then again her jealousy annoyed him at one point so he may just be trying to ignore her altogether or soemthing.
I was worried, for one thing that at some point, if I were still to care about him and he just stopped caring, I would get really hurt. And I'm not sure I want to be in such a position to experience that... sometimes it makes me wish that I didn't love him, that it's better to put an end to it before it gets worse. Today, it's kind of like, I'm so pissed that he hasn't contacted me yet. I know it's mean of me coz he could be in dee shit or soemthing but I really want to hear from him! If he hasn't called because of the visa problem, then I'd feel dreadfully guilty for being angry but I just can't help feeling this way. If he's there, safe and sound, I'd really like to at least know about it so that I can clear my head and stop thinking about it. But I wouldn't be surprised if he's there and all right but he just couldn't care less to make an effort to tell me. It's something typical for him, in my opinion (Is it really such a bad opinion that I hold about him?) Part of me feels like I really would break up with him for the sole reason of his (assumed) inconsideration. If it really were true, I would like to strangle the life out of him >_< But I'm also being held by the promise I made to him, which I had to make a lot of pondering over sending that particular sms, and I partly regret having told him that now. The promise? Well, basically, I really wanted to make him smile, and he was sighing a lot when he had to leave, so I said that I couldn't promise him that everything he missed here would remain but I promised to wait for him.
So there it is... all my thoughts and feelings. Oh crap, Zera just messaged me and I'm in a rather pissed mood atm. I think I'll just ignore him for now... :S
posted by Charelle at 8:50 AM
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