Missing him terribly...
I wonder if I got the days mixed up, or he extended his stay in Bangkok, or I dunno... he's avoiding me?
I miss him when he's not around. I thought he'd be back yesterday but I can't reach his phone and all I could do was leave an sms. And I miss him so much so that my head's been pretty screwed up with insecurity issues all over again the whole night yesterday. I hate it when it happens. This is one of the main reasons why I hate getting into a relationship. Try as I may to ignore the feeling, I'm always insecure about my relationships.
I was telling CY yesterday about how insecure I am and I described it as..."when in a relationship, I spend about 50-75% of the time wondering if I should break up". I think that it's pretty true... well, I don't know if I may be exegerating but I do think that it is at least 50% of the time. For now that is... which is currently at the unstable stage. Where I'm not sure where we're heading or what we're doing. And any small incident such as this one, or the time he was in Ipoh (seems like anytime he's not around for too long or longer than I thought he'd be), my head triggers off in another round of frenzy. Another thing that occured to me was if perhaps the more I love him the more insecure I'd be? Safer for me to maintain my usual distance then...
I don't feel as bad today... somehow I just don't have the same insecurities which were bothering me yesterday, but perhaps it's only coz I just woke up. The day has yet to sink into me =P
I'm hoping that the reason why he's not around is because of either of the first 2 I named at the top. Although right now all I'd want is for him to just ring me up or something. What I hate most is being left in the blur... I have no idea what's going on... *sigh*
I miss him when he's not around. I thought he'd be back yesterday but I can't reach his phone and all I could do was leave an sms. And I miss him so much so that my head's been pretty screwed up with insecurity issues all over again the whole night yesterday. I hate it when it happens. This is one of the main reasons why I hate getting into a relationship. Try as I may to ignore the feeling, I'm always insecure about my relationships.
I was telling CY yesterday about how insecure I am and I described it as..."when in a relationship, I spend about 50-75% of the time wondering if I should break up". I think that it's pretty true... well, I don't know if I may be exegerating but I do think that it is at least 50% of the time. For now that is... which is currently at the unstable stage. Where I'm not sure where we're heading or what we're doing. And any small incident such as this one, or the time he was in Ipoh (seems like anytime he's not around for too long or longer than I thought he'd be), my head triggers off in another round of frenzy. Another thing that occured to me was if perhaps the more I love him the more insecure I'd be? Safer for me to maintain my usual distance then...
I don't feel as bad today... somehow I just don't have the same insecurities which were bothering me yesterday, but perhaps it's only coz I just woke up. The day has yet to sink into me =P
I'm hoping that the reason why he's not around is because of either of the first 2 I named at the top. Although right now all I'd want is for him to just ring me up or something. What I hate most is being left in the blur... I have no idea what's going on... *sigh*
posted by Charelle at 8:48 PM
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