The first step...
Hmm... technically it wouldn't be the first step since it's been ages since we've met online. But we met personally for the first time yesterday =)
What a day, I spent the entire morning cleaning up my room because I was expecting him on Wednesday. And then, in the afternoon, I got a shock when he smsed me:
"Boo. Here's a surprise for my darling, who at the moment is probably sleeping. But I took an earlier flight, coz I want my kisses tonight. /gg"
All I could think of replying was "Oh my god". LOL. ^_______^ I could get used to these kind of cute surprises.
Anyway, he came over around 12am. I think I was trying to act normal but it felt kinda weird and comfortable at the same time. Even when we were walking over to my place from his car, when he held my hand, I felt quite comfortable with him... so much so that I really wanted to snuggle up to him all the way ^_^
Back in my room, while we were just standing or sitting around, it finally got a little awkward for me. I just didn't know what to do with him around. He brought over some of his anime DVD collection but he forgot that I didn't have a DVD player so we couldn't watch them. But at some point when I just said I felt shy with him there, and he looked out the window, I had a sudden urge to just hug him, and so I did =D Walked up to him and gave him a hug from behind.
The entire time with him here seems awkward only in the sense that I wasn't comfortable with being so comfortable with him. As I pointed out to him, he was moving at a speed in one night which took me more than 2 years to accustom to with Ozee. And while we were just having fun, I suddenly started being confused and acted weird. Too much thinking got in the way again. And once again he asked me if I wanted to break up with him (he used to ask me the same thing whenever I started thinking a lot about us).
Oh well, at some point I just said I didn't wanna be in the room anymore and dragged him out to 7-11. Although I wasn't sure where the 7-11's in Puchong were, and so we ended up heading towards Sunway, and changed our minds and went to A&W's in Subang instead.
While organising my thoughts today, I figured that I was actually confusing myself a lot more than he was confusing me. I mean, it's like there were so many little things why I felt that we shouldn't be together. We are both very different, our lifestyles, our experiences and everything, I've always believed that I don't particularly fit well into the image of what his gfs should be like, I dun think I could ever sleep with him even though he's probably had slept with all/most of his previous gfs... let's see what else, there's also the distance thing and the fact that I feel that I'll probably be too busy for him in the near future. And I think that's just skimming the top of my thoughts.
But he kept reassuring me with so many reasons... and yet I wonder, I feel like he's not thinking for himself enough and I really want to make sure that everything can work out before we progress. But at the end of it all, I don't think he minds any of the worries I have for him. It's like I keep thinking that he'd mind even though it's probably true that he might not. Perhaps, all I want, whether or not he minds not having the things that I feel I can't give to him... is for him to at least have a shot at getting someone who can give him those things. He thinks that I'm insecure about myself... I'm not sure if that's true, but I really do want him to have everything he deserves, and I'm just not sure that I could give it to him.
But anyway, yesterday was like one of the happiest days I've had recently. It just felt so easy for me to get along with him. I loved hugging him, snuggling up with him, kissing him... teasing him =P Making out with him feels great, playing with his hands (or hand while he's driving) is fun... I dunno, I just really love being with him. I like his personality and when I'm with him, somehow I just think I really really love him. And it's not like how I loved him previously...it's different although quite hard to explain. Oh, and he does say the funniest things sometimes. Out of the blue he went... "you have a nice grabby butt" and I was like... WTH??? I mean, we were in the car, not saying anything and he just said that. He also said "You love stroking don't you?" Who the heck says these kind of things anyway? LOL but it just feels really nice being with him ^________^ I could really get used to him but I worry about getting too used to him and then having to go through parting with him later =( Always told myself no long distance relationships but I never seem to listen to myself =S
Oh well, I don't want to break up with him, and I doubt I will. But with all my stupid doubts I wonder if he'll break up with me first T_T Coz it's always that way that even the most firmist believer may start to have doubts once others show their doubts. But I do know for a fact that he really is special to me and I don't want to let him go that easily.
What a day, I spent the entire morning cleaning up my room because I was expecting him on Wednesday. And then, in the afternoon, I got a shock when he smsed me:
"Boo. Here's a surprise for my darling, who at the moment is probably sleeping. But I took an earlier flight, coz I want my kisses tonight. /gg"
All I could think of replying was "Oh my god". LOL. ^_______^ I could get used to these kind of cute surprises.
Anyway, he came over around 12am. I think I was trying to act normal but it felt kinda weird and comfortable at the same time. Even when we were walking over to my place from his car, when he held my hand, I felt quite comfortable with him... so much so that I really wanted to snuggle up to him all the way ^_^
Back in my room, while we were just standing or sitting around, it finally got a little awkward for me. I just didn't know what to do with him around. He brought over some of his anime DVD collection but he forgot that I didn't have a DVD player so we couldn't watch them. But at some point when I just said I felt shy with him there, and he looked out the window, I had a sudden urge to just hug him, and so I did =D Walked up to him and gave him a hug from behind.
The entire time with him here seems awkward only in the sense that I wasn't comfortable with being so comfortable with him. As I pointed out to him, he was moving at a speed in one night which took me more than 2 years to accustom to with Ozee. And while we were just having fun, I suddenly started being confused and acted weird. Too much thinking got in the way again. And once again he asked me if I wanted to break up with him (he used to ask me the same thing whenever I started thinking a lot about us).
Oh well, at some point I just said I didn't wanna be in the room anymore and dragged him out to 7-11. Although I wasn't sure where the 7-11's in Puchong were, and so we ended up heading towards Sunway, and changed our minds and went to A&W's in Subang instead.
While organising my thoughts today, I figured that I was actually confusing myself a lot more than he was confusing me. I mean, it's like there were so many little things why I felt that we shouldn't be together. We are both very different, our lifestyles, our experiences and everything, I've always believed that I don't particularly fit well into the image of what his gfs should be like, I dun think I could ever sleep with him even though he's probably had slept with all/most of his previous gfs... let's see what else, there's also the distance thing and the fact that I feel that I'll probably be too busy for him in the near future. And I think that's just skimming the top of my thoughts.
But he kept reassuring me with so many reasons... and yet I wonder, I feel like he's not thinking for himself enough and I really want to make sure that everything can work out before we progress. But at the end of it all, I don't think he minds any of the worries I have for him. It's like I keep thinking that he'd mind even though it's probably true that he might not. Perhaps, all I want, whether or not he minds not having the things that I feel I can't give to him... is for him to at least have a shot at getting someone who can give him those things. He thinks that I'm insecure about myself... I'm not sure if that's true, but I really do want him to have everything he deserves, and I'm just not sure that I could give it to him.
But anyway, yesterday was like one of the happiest days I've had recently. It just felt so easy for me to get along with him. I loved hugging him, snuggling up with him, kissing him... teasing him =P Making out with him feels great, playing with his hands (or hand while he's driving) is fun... I dunno, I just really love being with him. I like his personality and when I'm with him, somehow I just think I really really love him. And it's not like how I loved him previously...it's different although quite hard to explain. Oh, and he does say the funniest things sometimes. Out of the blue he went... "you have a nice grabby butt" and I was like... WTH??? I mean, we were in the car, not saying anything and he just said that. He also said "You love stroking don't you?" Who the heck says these kind of things anyway? LOL but it just feels really nice being with him ^________^ I could really get used to him but I worry about getting too used to him and then having to go through parting with him later =( Always told myself no long distance relationships but I never seem to listen to myself =S
Oh well, I don't want to break up with him, and I doubt I will. But with all my stupid doubts I wonder if he'll break up with me first T_T Coz it's always that way that even the most firmist believer may start to have doubts once others show their doubts. But I do know for a fact that he really is special to me and I don't want to let him go that easily.
posted by Charelle at 2:26 AM
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