Summary
As always, I tend to lag behind on my posts after losing speed.
Anyway, not surprisingly, a lot has happened, so much so that I've probably forgotten a lot of memories.
There was a period which was quite memorable to me though. It started out during the week when I called him on the phone at night 2 times. Both went unanswered... even after he didn't reply on my 1st miss call, I was already feeling insecure. By the next morning, I distinctly remember being so unsure about us that I was willing to think of finding a new 'backup fish', and I left CY an offline msg saying so. That happened after I called him again the next morning to wake him up, another call left unanswered.
Later in the morning, while I was working in Spicers, USJ, he called me up telling me that he missed his bus and was in desperate need of a ride to Cyber. I drove him there. At that time I was thinking, part of me was glad that I was the one he turned to when he needed help but I also thought... is that the only time he'd call me? When he needed help?
Anyway, turns out he was asleep by 7pm the day before and that's why he never called back. The next morning, he was already out and having his mp3s on so he never heard his hp. Time and time again, I get insecure over trivial matters and it's usually proven to be unnecessary... so why do I continuously torture myself over these things? Maybe it's because he usually gives me new reasons to >_<
But that wasn't the reason why that particular period was memorable. I gave him a ride back from Cyber that day too. And then the following day, he had the car, so he dropped by after uni to have lunch with me in Summit. His topic of conversation...'pregnancy'. He was worried that my period had not arrived and was eager to approach that subject. He also wanted to buy a test kit. I on the other hand was rather dismissive. It's not that I don't tae it seriously... just that I'd only worry if it was about 2-3 weeks late, but it was due around that week. ^^ I told him that there were many more things I'd put ahead of instead of the pregnancy issue, and when he asked what, I just asked him if he was serious about us because I needed to know. And he said yes... and I guess knowing that solves a lot of issues for me. I don't really have to worry needlessly (well, at least not as often).
I saw him the next 2 days as well... which was an unusual thing considering they were both weekdays. And of course, saw him on Sat and Sun as well. I guess things were really going great for me then... I was over and up on cloud 9 that time...
Well, that was then, now's slightly different. I still really love him and all, but I worry a lot about the way he spends money. I'm not sure if it's just me but it gets a little uncomfortable when he runs low and borrows money and never returns them. Atm, he owes me RM250... and just last week, I was already thinking about this issue and I thought, well, he owed me RM200 then. If I was uncomfortable, I was willing to forget about the money, but I have to stop lending him money. And then we went for dinner, he didn't have enough, no atms around, he said he'd go later... and here we are, back at square 1.
I suppose it sounds materialistic on my side since he's spending a lot of his money on me... but I don't really want him to spend so much on me. I'd rather he learn to have more control over his finances... he may be a splurge and starve person but I'm not and it's getting uncomfortable for me. While thinking about it today, I seemed sad and gloomy to him. He kept asking me about what was the matter but as usual I brushed it off... I guess that's one good thing about him. He notices my moods... I just don't really know how to approach him on the subject. It seems sensitive, and it'll prob make him think me as money-minded or something.
I feel like avoiding him, because he's putting a strain on my budget... I just don't know how to tell him so. I'm worried about spending too much whenever I'm around him. He wanted to see me tomorrow, and at first so did I but thinking about this, I later said I'll think about it. I'm not sure I want to see him as often now... I think he's probably a little piffed about my attitude today but I just don't know how to talk about it.
All I want is for him to tell me when he's short on cash and asks me to pay instead of asking to borrow from me. It may not be a perfect solution, I'll probably start getting annoyed when I end up paying often enough but it sure as hell beats lending him money which I'm pretty sure I'll never get back.
Anyway, not surprisingly, a lot has happened, so much so that I've probably forgotten a lot of memories.
There was a period which was quite memorable to me though. It started out during the week when I called him on the phone at night 2 times. Both went unanswered... even after he didn't reply on my 1st miss call, I was already feeling insecure. By the next morning, I distinctly remember being so unsure about us that I was willing to think of finding a new 'backup fish', and I left CY an offline msg saying so. That happened after I called him again the next morning to wake him up, another call left unanswered.
Later in the morning, while I was working in Spicers, USJ, he called me up telling me that he missed his bus and was in desperate need of a ride to Cyber. I drove him there. At that time I was thinking, part of me was glad that I was the one he turned to when he needed help but I also thought... is that the only time he'd call me? When he needed help?
Anyway, turns out he was asleep by 7pm the day before and that's why he never called back. The next morning, he was already out and having his mp3s on so he never heard his hp. Time and time again, I get insecure over trivial matters and it's usually proven to be unnecessary... so why do I continuously torture myself over these things? Maybe it's because he usually gives me new reasons to >_<
But that wasn't the reason why that particular period was memorable. I gave him a ride back from Cyber that day too. And then the following day, he had the car, so he dropped by after uni to have lunch with me in Summit. His topic of conversation...'pregnancy'. He was worried that my period had not arrived and was eager to approach that subject. He also wanted to buy a test kit. I on the other hand was rather dismissive. It's not that I don't tae it seriously... just that I'd only worry if it was about 2-3 weeks late, but it was due around that week. ^^ I told him that there were many more things I'd put ahead of instead of the pregnancy issue, and when he asked what, I just asked him if he was serious about us because I needed to know. And he said yes... and I guess knowing that solves a lot of issues for me. I don't really have to worry needlessly (well, at least not as often).
I saw him the next 2 days as well... which was an unusual thing considering they were both weekdays. And of course, saw him on Sat and Sun as well. I guess things were really going great for me then... I was over and up on cloud 9 that time...
Well, that was then, now's slightly different. I still really love him and all, but I worry a lot about the way he spends money. I'm not sure if it's just me but it gets a little uncomfortable when he runs low and borrows money and never returns them. Atm, he owes me RM250... and just last week, I was already thinking about this issue and I thought, well, he owed me RM200 then. If I was uncomfortable, I was willing to forget about the money, but I have to stop lending him money. And then we went for dinner, he didn't have enough, no atms around, he said he'd go later... and here we are, back at square 1.
I suppose it sounds materialistic on my side since he's spending a lot of his money on me... but I don't really want him to spend so much on me. I'd rather he learn to have more control over his finances... he may be a splurge and starve person but I'm not and it's getting uncomfortable for me. While thinking about it today, I seemed sad and gloomy to him. He kept asking me about what was the matter but as usual I brushed it off... I guess that's one good thing about him. He notices my moods... I just don't really know how to approach him on the subject. It seems sensitive, and it'll prob make him think me as money-minded or something.
I feel like avoiding him, because he's putting a strain on my budget... I just don't know how to tell him so. I'm worried about spending too much whenever I'm around him. He wanted to see me tomorrow, and at first so did I but thinking about this, I later said I'll think about it. I'm not sure I want to see him as often now... I think he's probably a little piffed about my attitude today but I just don't know how to talk about it.
All I want is for him to tell me when he's short on cash and asks me to pay instead of asking to borrow from me. It may not be a perfect solution, I'll probably start getting annoyed when I end up paying often enough but it sure as hell beats lending him money which I'm pretty sure I'll never get back.
posted by Charelle at 1:05 PM
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